books, personal
Comments 2

Allowing a Dream to Die

A lot of life has happened since I started this blog two years ago.

I have moved to four different countries, changed cities & addresses even more times. I switched careers from a corporate manager to remotely working in communication technology. I have stumbled through learning three new languages. I have gone from planning a future with a romantic partner to breaking off my only long-term relationship. I connected with foreign family family members I have never met.

I can remember at ages 20 & 21, the midpoint of my time at university, feeling so confident & self-assured. I was a shy & socially awkward kid that finally found myself in an environment that allowed me to flourish for the very first time. I set a lot of my life goals during this age. I wanted to be adventurous, a professional respected in my career field, flexibility for my life.

I have accomplished a lot of these goals my younger self had set. I often forget to acknowledge how far I have come, but it does give me a small sense of pride when I do remember I am living a life the teenage schoolgirl I once was fantasized of doing. However, this life is not what I expected it to be.

I am happy & I am content with my life, but living alone in a foreign city & overly experienced in a career field I do not love is not where I thought I would be in the latter half of my twenties.

I have been a transient in this transitional phase of trying to set new goals for myself, but I have not figured out what they are yet. I have been taking this suspended time trying to figure out what I want again & who I want to be next. I have a career that demands a lot of my time even though it is remote & I squandered my little remaining spare time on a demanding relationship so this is the first period of time I have gotten to be selfish in a few years… And honestly, I have been reveling in it.

I have picked up quite a bit of reading material along this self-journey, one passage has truly stood out to me has been in a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Adaptability has always been one of my biggest personal struggles, fairly ironic for someone that moves countries every few months. This book discusses letting go of a dream & accepting not all dreams will turn out the way you wanted.

Something about this just hit home for me.

I thought I would be living this fulfilling jet-setter lifestyle. I would be meeting & befriending all these interesting foreigners along my journey. I would feel complete personal satisfaction from my career. I wanted to fall head-over-heels for a man that would effortlessly sweep me off my feet, that love & building a life together would come as second nature.

None of this is my reality though. I am at the beginning stages of accepting that is okay. It is fine to decide previous goals you set for yourself are no longer applicable. It’s fine to mourn the loss of who you were when you made these goals, along with the loss of this dream you once thought you wanted.

So this is where I am right now, moving on from past dreams & figuring out my new ones.

I know this is a much more personal & heavier post than my usual content of Korean cosmetic reviews & slathering myself in skincare, but this is where I am at right now & it is why I have been away for a while. I still love skincare & playing with new products, but I want this blog to be more inclusive of my life & interests.

I have a goal of posting once a week, every Friday. The topics will vary from travel to skincare to cooking to crafts, or really whatever topic I feel like that week. Then I will see where this blog goes from there, which is true to many aspects of life lately.

2 Comments

  1. I will have to check out that book some time! (Overall, I need to make a habit to read more.)

    Thank you for this honest read – I enjoyed it. Actually, I am more or less in the same boat. Maybe not so much with the long-term relationship thing but definitely with the career and life path. Things are a bit different when you are a bit older, and I think there is still this perpetuating idea that you should have things figured out by a certain age whether it’s by your mid-20s or early-30s. But the main thing is that you are happy and honest with what you want and how you feel. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was such a book worm when I was in school so one of my goals was to start reading again this year!

      I think life & adulthood is rarely what any of us expect it to be, then it’s a bit of a surprise our university degree did not contain then elusive meaning to life haha.

      Liked by 1 person

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